View Full Version : Employee Evaluations

01/30/2006, 02:35 PM
These have been around for a while but they're always good for a laugh.
For everyone who has ever had or given an evaluation - just remember, it could have been worse. These are actual quotes taken from Federal Government employee performance evaluations.

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."

2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."

4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."

10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."

11. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

15. "He's been working with glue too much."

16. "He would argue with a signpost."

17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

19. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."

20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

24. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

29. "One neuron short of a synapse."

30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-minutes'."

32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."

01/30/2006, 03:46 PM
With a little over 20 years in the military and having had several Civil Servants work for me I can relate to having seen a few of those comments. :rofl: But, the funny part about the whole thing is they let those type folks hang around for 20 years and then draw retirement. Kinda a waste of tax payer money I would say. Not only that, try and get rid of somebody in that catagory and you better have about 500 miles of documentation and even then sometimes it's not good enough. :rolleyes: On the other hand if your active duty military all you need is one good article 15 and your out the door. Here's a couple you can add that I've also seen used:

-- Walks and talks well but, no bodies home

-- Dumber than a box of rocks

-- If dynamite were brains, this person wouldn't have enough to blow their nose

01/30/2006, 04:50 PM
That was really good timing, I've been evaluating all the Superintendents today. I need to go back and make some changes based on this. :)