All,
Let's vote today on the best bone head story of mechanical stupidity that we have committed to a friends car or our own. Bonus points if you screwed up a friends car!!! Post the stories and we will vote tonight at 6:00 PDT. I will post one of my stupider moves soon.

Rob

All,
Here goes!

I built a 64 Comet Caliente 302 4-speed car for my Brother and his son. Tuned out great. After it was running for a while it clogged the fuel filter. Rust in the gas!!! Well after the shaking of the tank with sharp rocks in it (yes idiots do that) we put it back together. I rebuild carbs on the side and went through the 600 double pumper for them. Back on the aluminum torker 2 style intake manifold and, ready to go, or we thought so…..

Rolled motor over and over. Would not start….. Primed and rolled and rolled…. Finally it wheezed to life sorta…. Then died… Would not idle or run enough to pull the skin off a cup of pudding! Knick name for my 96 3.0 Ranger is “puddin”. Not much power. I digress…..

Checked spark. Seemed ok. Didn’t touch a think except the carb….. Rocks in the fuels lines?? O come on, that can’t happen…. Can it…. Naw…. Plenty of fuel and pressure.

Did I screw up the carb? No way, I am way to good at these…. What else? Finally pull the carb off to look at it. Seems fine. Nothing unusual.. What can it be.

Actually did this in my brother’s garage with one puny 60-watt bulb over the car!!! Went back to the car. Ahhha!!! Reached into the intake manifold and pulled out the large “aluminum” colored rag we stuck in the intake for foreign material exclusion (FME). Used to work in the shipyard and I am a fanatic about not getting something in an engine!!! The manifold is a plenum style, which has a large open cavity to fill. As we pulled the rag out, and it was an old T-shirt, it was burned and really looked abused. Why that engine even tried to run is beyond me. It was truly amazing. We put it in gear and moved it!! Not far, but it tried.

Ok, try to beat this one!!!!

Rob

I was 18, I had blown a head gasket on Something Special. I replaced it and was flushing the crankcase with diesel fuel when I saw oil blowing up from around the distributer. I reached in to tighten it and put my hand in the fan. I never found the wrench nor one blade of the fan. One blade bent at 90 degrees and cut the center out of the radiator. I almost lost my hand. 4 1/2 hours in surgery. Needless to say, I respect fans and fan shrouds. Don't make this same bone head move. I don't recommend it. Mike

My god! From an injury standpoint, that is a winner!!! Never did that one, but my knees are a bit weak thinking about it.

How about this one.

Had to share another, but a different “bonehead”. Not a long one!

My dad (88 and still kickin) was a huge influence in my automotive life. I am the baby of 4 children and my mom was a stay at home. My dad was a hotrod guy at heart, but not much money to spend. My earliest memories are me out helping my dad do something to the cars.

Sooo….. One day he got a tachometer from someone and you bet, the old 62 Pontiac Star Chief (389 auto) was getting an upgrade. Of course it was a freebie from someone with no instructions. Come on can’t be that tough. Find a source from the coil and an interior light and ground…… He had lots of pieces of automotive wire and wanted to test it out. I am about 10 years old. “Hey Robert, come out and give me a hand” I was never far away and ready to help!!! So I get out there and he has the hood open and the tach laying on the cowl in front of the passenger side of the windshield. “Ok Robert, hold this wire, and this one together and I will get in the car and try it out”.

Ok you know where this is going…..

He gets in and starts the car. Not sure if it worked or not, but Robert was getting introduced to DC current in quick way!!! He still comments about the look on his 10-year-old son’s face. I am not sure if I was getting spark voltage or not, but he released the key as I jumped back with the tach!!! I didn’t drop the tach, but went inside rather quickly…

He got the tach hooked up without anymore of my help….. I bet he was laughing his butt off the whole time!!!

Is this child abuse???

Rob

Mike, I put my hand in a fan once also so I feel your pain. I was tightening a dist. hold down bolt and it snapped and put my hand in the back of the running fan. Luckily, it just bounced my hand back out, although it hurt for months. Anyway, my most recent "bonehead" involves getting in a hurry. I changed out my master cyl. and booster and "worked over" the proportioning valve. Got done, bled the brakes and went for a test drive, on the freeway of all places. Couldn't figure out why the car wandered all over the road and made clunking noises so pulled over. Discovered I'd neglected to reinstall the shock tower support or even tighten the bolts for the shock top mount bracket. DOH! :embarass:

Steve

Ahhh, brakes,

Put new calipers of my in-laws 1975 280-Z. Got back together. Bled and bled and bled. Could not get a pedal. Finally gave up in disgust. Took it to my local Firestone. Yes, you can put the right on the left and the left on the right. If you do this the bleeders are on the bottom and no amount of bleeding will fix it.

I am now part of the upside down caliper club…. Need any brake work done???

Rob

First car was a 72 dodge charger. mopar engines have distributor on the back, not the front (like a ford). so, to set the points (i had single points), you had to check the gap by laying over the engine with your head between the distributor and the bottom of the hood and (when a poor kid) move the engine forward by turning engine a little at a time.

here is the warning - dont forget and leave your keys in the ignition in the on position when doing this. in fact, always have the keys in your pocket when doing this.

i put the feeler gauge in between the points to check the gap, and got the full jolt of the DC voltage from the coil. on a ford this might no be so bad. but on a mopar, laying on my stomach over the engine - all i could remember was my head bouncing back and forth between the engine and the underside of the hood.

...make sure the keys are in your pocket...or dont drive a mopar...and thank God for the modern convenience of Petronix. Casey

You poor guys. I'VE NEVER MADE A MISTAKE.
Neil Hoppe
Past President, A.L.C.
(American Liars Club)

I hate to admit this one. When I put my freshly rebuilt engine and tranny in my car, I bolted up the torque converter to my flex plate, buttoned it up and made all the connections and fired her up. A little rough running at first without precise timing but I noted a clanging sound from the engine when I accelerated up to 2 thousand RPMs. It would calm down at idle and then clang again with increased RPMs. My brother-in-law, who has a lot of experience with engines was helping me and he had this worried look on his face and said he couldn't figure out the sound but he said it sounded internal. So, next step was pulling the engine and tranny and start a partial dismantle. We found the problem right away. I didn't torque the bolts from the flexplate to the torque converter properly. It ruined the flexplate and elongated the hole slots. The torque converter studs got munched too. I had to replace both of them. I felt like a real idiot, but I guess on the whole as a project, if that was the only really bad thing to happen, I guess I should feel lucky.

Hi Gang,

I worked at the local NAPA store this past summer, and we had a couple of guys bring back new batteries that they purchased at our store and said they didn't work - were totally dead. I both cases, they had NOT taken the red plastic post protector off the positive terminal!

Dave


So many cars, so little time!

Hi Gang,

I worked at the local NAPA store this past summer, and we had a couple of guys bring back new batteries that they purchased at our store and said they didn't work - were totally dead. I both cases, they had NOT taken the red plastic post protector off the positive terminal!

Dave


So many cars, so little time!

Sigh, I've done that.:mad:

I know that I have a bunch but only one comes to mind.

I had everything freshly installed on my 1969 CJ Cougar prior to initial startup after the restoration.
Custom made 1970 Hurst adapter plate for a 1969 tailshaft on my toploader. Fresh U-joints, all fluids freshly filled, everything but the engine gauge wiring harness and battery.
I had just finished the last U-joint nut, lying on my back under the car, admiring my nut and bolt suspension and drivetrain installation and thinking I had better remember this, because after a couple of months it would never look this fresh..............then my eyes wandered to the side of the garage. I was thinking, what the heck is that? I forgot to put in the starter plate. Doh!

Murphy's law is what ever can go wrong, will go wrong.
CougarCJ's law is that if some project is all coming together too easy or smoothly, you left out an important part. Slow down and double check your work.

Great story Cougar CJ!!! I actually have done the same thing, but not quite as far. I discovered it a bit sooner, but not soon enough!!

I find great comfort in knowing I am not alone....

Rob

First car was a 72 dodge charger. mopar engines have distributor on the back, not the front (like a ford). so, to set the points (i had single points), you had to check the gap by laying over the engine with your head between the distributor and the bottom of the hood and (when a poor kid) move the engine forward by turning engine a little at a time.

here is the warning - dont forget and leave your keys in the ignition in the on position when doing this. in fact, always have the keys in your pocket when doing this.

i put the feeler gauge in between the points to check the gap, and got the full jolt of the DC voltage from the coil. on a ford this might no be so bad. but on a mopar, laying on my stomach over the engine - all i could remember was my head bouncing back and forth between the engine and the underside of the hood.

...make sure the keys are in your pocket...or dont drive a mopar...and thank God for the modern convenience of Petronix. Casey

Well at least it isn't child abuse, but just as painful!!!

Sigh, I've done that.:mad:

This is a good one!!! I have not done this.... But other things....

Adjusting the valves on a Cleveland motor in my first 67 Mustang..... Lots of engine roling with the starter..... Battery seemed a bit low...... so lets take it out and put it on the charger..... Now lets make a spark trying to take the terminals off....

KABLAM!!!!!!! Blew the whole top off the battery withing a foot of my face... Acne is gone and got my eyes under water and a quick trip to the emergency room.

New respect for batterys, but still haven't cut my hand off in a fan... not yet.....

Time to give up wrenching I think....

...but still haven't cut my hand off in a fan... not yet.....



We actually wrote a song about that "fan" business - 'went something like this:

"Put your HAND in the FAN of CALiFOOOR'NIA SpeCIAAAAL... Put your HAND in the FAN of the CAR that CONQuered the STREEEETS... Then TAKE A LOOK at YourSELF and'a haul your BUTT to the E.R. RIGHT Ahway... By puttin' your Hand in the Fan of runnin' car that waaaaay....

EVRy TIME I look, into the CHILTON'S BOOK, I wanna' TREMBUUULLL'... When I see Now'How, it could've BEEN aLOT more SimPUUULLL...."

anyway, you get my drift. After a few beers, it was hilarious 20 years ago ;-)

We actually wrote a song about that "fan" business - 'went something like this:

"Put your HAND in the FAN of CALiFOOOR'NIA SpeCIAAAAL... Put your HAND in the FAN of the CAR that CONQuered the STREEEETS... Then TAKE A LOOK at YourSELF and'a haul your BUTT to the E.R. RIGHT Ahway... By puttin' your Hand in the Fan of runnin' car that waaaaay....

EVRy TIME I look, into the CHILTON'S BOOK, I wanna' TREMBUUULLL'... When I see Now'How, it could've BEEN aLOT more SimPUUULLL...."

anyway, you get my drift. After a few beers, it was hilarious 20 years ago ;-)

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

OK here's one that happened to me. I had just installed a new engine in my 65 convertible. Was gonna start it up for the first time. Cranked and cranked; no start. Pour a little fuel in the carb and it starts, but dies right away. I know I poured gasoline in the tank so I think it's either a plugged filter or a bad fuel pump. I replace the filter, same thing. So I go to pull the fuel pump and see that I have the hoses switched on the fuel pump. I was trying to pump fuel from the carb to the fuel tank! Once I switched the hoses, she started right up and ran like a champ.

How about this one. I had trouble starting my old Ford truck, I dumped some gas in the carb set the aircleaner lid back on, ----still wouldn't fire, so I pulled the aircleaner back off and set it on top of the battery, a flaming fireball.:icon_pani

Sparky Sparkerson

Years ago in my teens, was installing a holley 600 4-bbl carb on 289 mustang with my father helping.

Got to the point of attaching the mechanicasl choke cable to the carb, Dad is
under the hood, I'm in the car in the drivers seat.
He tells me to push the choke cable button in while he lines up the cable insert with the linkage.

The choke cable will not push in, he yells" I said push the cable in".

So I do what I am told, with my right foot I "stomp" the cable into the dash.

Hood raises up 6 inches, certain 4 letter words come from under the hood, then he proceded to pull me out of the open D/s window and apply his fist to the side of my head.

Drove the cable (insert) through the fleashy part of his hand, between the thumb and index finger.

Still remeber that beating, until this day.

TDS

That is just so wrong! :sad:

Steve

My Dad was like that - we "gofers" took it hard back then.

I will add one more story - it is short and simple and basically a warning. Never sit down to rest on a nice soft rag that you did not realized had been soaked in gasoline. :torch: Casey

If you decide to inch the engine over using the fan belt check for your finger's final destination to make sure it's not potentially between the belt and the pully.

(circa 1985)

The front of my CS is up on jackstands, to replace the power steering control valve.

Finishing up, I get the hoses from the valve to the ram "switched" by mistake.

Not knowing this, I start the engine, looking for fluid leaks, and the wheels turn: right-left-right-left, etc...all on their own. The car is suddenly posessed!

Stop the engine, switch the hoses...and tell no one that I did this.

Well, until now.

Paul.

Casey,
Stuck a rag soaked in lacquer thinner that I was using to clean parts in my coveralls........ Walking around I could not figure out the growing burning sensation on my thigh on the inside and further...... Wow, did that burn for awhile!!!

Paul,
Had my 67 on jackstands doing I cannot remember what..... Put floor jack under and pulled jackstands out.... One not far enough. Released the floor jack and set car down on jackstand against the lower valance..... Still have it as proof of my stupidity.....

Not to mention the day I started same fastback in garage in gear...... Yup, launched right into my roll around tool box. Hood got dinged and was excuse to install the Boss 429 scooop!!!! See stupidity can bring about improvement!!! Now tell that one to my wife!! It is her car! She hates it when I break it!!

Rob

Picture this:

It's 1975, I'm 17 and have just bought my first muscle car - a 1967 Camaro SS/RS convertible (350, 4 bbl., 4 spd, 3.73 posi, etc.). I think it would look so much better if it were jacked up in the rear, so I hatch a brilliant scheme. I jack it up, drop the rear end out, and take it to the neighborhood welding shop. I have the guy cut the leaf spring mounts off of the bottom of the axle and weld them to the top. This would get me about 6" of lift - cool, right? Well, it was cool, until I tried to lay down some rubber in a parking lot and left the entire axle behind me on the ground! Oops!:embarass:

Doug in AK

Wow!!! This is the best to date!!! I bet it sounded so good at the time!! I have done similar re-engineering thoughts on a much smaller scale. I also found out that those factory boys were not blooming idiots!!

What a story!!!

Rob

Hi Gang,

I worked at the local NAPA store this past summer, and we had a couple of guys bring back new batteries that they purchased at our store and said they didn't work - were totally dead. I both cases, they had NOT taken the red plastic post protector off the positive terminal!

Dave


So many cars, so little time!

That's a good one!

Stacey

Picture this:

It's 1975, I'm 17 and have just bought my first muscle car - a 1967 Camaro SS/RS convertible (350, 4 bbl., 4 spd, 3.73 posi, etc.). I think it would look so much better if it were jacked up in the rear, so I hatch a brilliant scheme. I jack it up, drop the rear end out, and take it to the neighborhood welding shop. I have the guy cut the leaf spring mounts off of the bottom of the axle and weld them to the top. This would get me about 6" of lift - cool, right? Well, it was cool, until I tried to lay down some rubber in a parking lot and left the entire axle behind me on the ground! Oops!:embarass:

Doug in AK

Now that reminds me of an old movie called "American Grafitti" <= (GADS I can't spell) where someone snuck up behind a vehicle and chained the rear axil to the light pole if I remember right and the same thing happened. I never laughed so hard in my life at that time. I was just a little kid when I saw that.:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Stacey

Wow!!! This is the best to date!!! I bet it sounded so good at the time!! I have done similar re-engineering thoughts on a much smaller scale. I also found out that those factory boys were not blooming idiots!!

What a story!!!

Rob

I agree Rob, The re-engineering job on the rearend is the best yet. The Tee Shirt in the intake manifold runs a close second.

Every post brings back another memory. This is an abuse story.

Back in the early 70's I had taken a 67 2 barrel auto Fastback into the performance world. First it got Paxton supercharged and B/M auto upgrades. Then it went to a “hotted up” 351 4V Cleveland and Toploader 4-speed. 4.56 9 inch posi with 31 spline axles.

One Friday night a huge burnout was provided followed by a hammer shift into second. Left axle broke at the outer bearing and M-50 tire went for a ride after ungracefully exiting the rear quarter panel. M-50 tire still with brake drum attached (bad news for the brake shoes as it left) rolled down street and destroyed fence. Car sparked and skidded to a stop a bit low in the left rear. Had a set of Anson “Ground Grabber” traction bars which saved the brake backing plate and u bolts. Bonus pints for anyone who remembers Anson Grabbers!!!

The embarrassment of this in front of the Friday night cruise crowd was not as bad as fixing the fence. The real fun was when I got the car home. Looking at the damaged area was bad enough until I contemplated axle removal. There it was…. An axle broke flush with the face of the rear wheel bearing. Nothing to grab onto to pull it. Thought about removing the right axle and sticking a broom handle in a driving it out. Settled on drilling and tapping a 3/8 bolt into the end of the axle and attaching a short length of chain…..

That worked and next was brake and quarter repair. Broken axle had evidence of a small crack in the broke area that had weakened it some. I am sure my abuse of the car had nothing to do with it!!!

Rob

Back in the early 80's a woman across the street wanted a huge bush removed from in front of her house. I got the brilliant idea of hooking a chain to my Datsun pick up and pulling it out.

Of course I took the slack out of the chain and pulled as best as I could, but the bush wouldn't budge. Yeah, the king cab was that underpowered!!! So, I figure to get a running start at it. Gotta work, right???

Bush came out as planned, and with all of the tension on it, it shot forward. wayyyy forward, thru the back window, knocking me in the head, which proceeded to me knocking my head into the steering wheel. With me pretty much dazed, the king cab shot across the street into my parents house. Mom and dad were pretty surprised when the Datsun took part of the front room out... Fortunately, they weren't watching tv at the time. I had a heck of a time getting out of the truck, not to mention getting the truck out of the front room.

Robert