COMMUNITY
1968 GT/CS & HCS
2007+ GT/CS
1966-1967 HCS
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Friday Joke
- Thread starter Mosesatm
- Start date
Mustanglvr
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- Dec 4, 2004
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Arlie, were you hungover in that picture? 
Mustanglvr
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- Dec 4, 2004
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Mosesatm said:
Very cute, its nice to see your head is not buried in the sand.:rofl:
390cs68rcode
Well-known member
Mosesatm said:
I will vouch for Arlie on this one.
:wink:
OP
OP
Mosesatm
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- Jan 18, 2005
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- 9,029
A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.
"You know what?” says the 6 year old. "I think it's about time we started cussing."
The 4 year old nods his head in approval.
The 6 year old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with 'ass."
The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
When their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."
WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can just stay there until I let
you out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios."
"You know what?” says the 6 year old. "I think it's about time we started cussing."
The 4 year old nods his head in approval.
The 6 year old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with 'ass."
The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
When their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."
WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can just stay there until I let
you out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios."
Working on the road ...
A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet behind filling in the old. The men worked right past the fellow with the soft drink and went on down the road. "I can't stand this," said the man tossing the can in a trash container and heading down the road toward the men.
"Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with this digging?"
"Well, we work for the county government, " one of the men said.
"But one of you is digging a hole and the other is filling it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the county's money?"
"You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally there's three of us--me, Rodney and Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree and Mike here puts the dirt back."
"Yea," piped up Mike. "Now just because Rodney's sick, that don't mean we can't work, does it?"
A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet behind filling in the old. The men worked right past the fellow with the soft drink and went on down the road. "I can't stand this," said the man tossing the can in a trash container and heading down the road toward the men.
"Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with this digging?"
"Well, we work for the county government, " one of the men said.
"But one of you is digging a hole and the other is filling it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the county's money?"
"You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally there's three of us--me, Rodney and Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree and Mike here puts the dirt back."
"Yea," piped up Mike. "Now just because Rodney's sick, that don't mean we can't work, does it?"
Mustanglvr
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One day old man Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the Illinois State Fair. There is this man selling plane rides in his single prop show plane for $10 per person. Stumpy looks to Martha and says, "Martha, I think I really should try that." Martha replies, "I know you want to Stumpy, but we have a lot of bills, and you know the money is tight, and $10 is $10." So Stumpy goes without. Over the next few years they return every year, and the same thing, Stumpy wants to ride, but Martha says no money.
Finally, when Stumpy and Martha are both about 70 years old, Stumpy looks to Martha, and says, "Martha, I'm 70 now, and I don't know if I'll ever get the chance again, so I just have to have a ride in that there airplane." Martha replies in the same old fashion, and Stumpy kind of slumps down. The pilot is standing near by and overhears the conversation...
The pilot pipes up, "Excuse me folks, I couldn't help but hear your situation, and I have a deal for you. I'll take both of you up together, and if you can both make the entire trip without saying a word, or even making the slightest sound, I'll give the ride for free. But if either of you make a sound, its $10 each." Well, Martha and Stumpy look at each other, and agree to take the ride.
The pilot takes them up, and starts to do loop de loops, twists, dives, climbs and spins. No sound. The pilot lands the plane, looks back at Stumpy and says, "Sir, I have to hand it to ya, you didn't make even the slightest sound and that was my best stuff." Stumpy looks back at the pilot and says, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but $10 is $10!"
Finally, when Stumpy and Martha are both about 70 years old, Stumpy looks to Martha, and says, "Martha, I'm 70 now, and I don't know if I'll ever get the chance again, so I just have to have a ride in that there airplane." Martha replies in the same old fashion, and Stumpy kind of slumps down. The pilot is standing near by and overhears the conversation...
The pilot pipes up, "Excuse me folks, I couldn't help but hear your situation, and I have a deal for you. I'll take both of you up together, and if you can both make the entire trip without saying a word, or even making the slightest sound, I'll give the ride for free. But if either of you make a sound, its $10 each." Well, Martha and Stumpy look at each other, and agree to take the ride.
The pilot takes them up, and starts to do loop de loops, twists, dives, climbs and spins. No sound. The pilot lands the plane, looks back at Stumpy and says, "Sir, I have to hand it to ya, you didn't make even the slightest sound and that was my best stuff." Stumpy looks back at the pilot and says, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but $10 is $10!"
CougarCJ
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- 2,189
A Little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?" The
>father
>answers: "Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!
>
>Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a
>date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
>
>
>We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download
>from
>my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that
neither
>one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete
>button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
>
>You got Male!
>father
>answers: "Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!
>
>Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a
>date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
>
>
>We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download
>from
>my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that
neither
>one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete
>button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
>
>You got Male!
CougarCJ
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Italian math
It is hard not to hear Chico Marx in your head and read this.:grin:
An Italian man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test. "Here's your first question," the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
"Without numbers?" the Italian says, "Data easy." and he proceeds to draw three trees.
"What's this?" the boss asks.
"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree makea nine," says the Italian.
"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."
The Italian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."
The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
"Each of da trees isa dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."
The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Italian, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."
The Italian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."
The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"
The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little doga came along and crapa by eacha tree. So now you gota dirty tree and a t u r d, dirty tree and a t u r d, and dirty tree and a t u r d, data makea one hundred. So, when do I start?"
It is hard not to hear Chico Marx in your head and read this.:grin:
An Italian man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test. "Here's your first question," the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
"Without numbers?" the Italian says, "Data easy." and he proceeds to draw three trees.
"What's this?" the boss asks.
"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree makea nine," says the Italian.
"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."
The Italian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."
The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
"Each of da trees isa dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."
The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Italian, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."
The Italian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."
The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"
The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little doga came along and crapa by eacha tree. So now you gota dirty tree and a t u r d, dirty tree and a t u r d, and dirty tree and a t u r d, data makea one hundred. So, when do I start?"
Diesel Donna
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- Dec 22, 2004
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- 2,007
A cop got out of his car and the kid (insert name, for example, Joedls or DavidAthans) who was stopped
for speeding rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing sent sent the kid off
without a ticket.
for speeding rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing sent sent the kid off
without a ticket.
Mustanglvr
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- 3,258
I love the jokes!!!:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: They`re all so funny!!!
Christmas Jokes ...
Q: What do you call Santa's Helpers?
A: Subordinate clauses!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What does Santa call his wife at tax time?
A: A dependent Claus.
Q: What do you call Santa's Helpers?
A: Subordinate clauses!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What does Santa call his wife at tax time?
A: A dependent Claus.
Consider this a *very* late Friday post.
Porky Pigs Blue Christmas song. Just click on the link and make sure your audio is on. The guy laughing in the background is almost as funny as the song...
http://www.blueyze.com/bluechristmas.html
Porky Pigs Blue Christmas song. Just click on the link and make sure your audio is on. The guy laughing in the background is almost as funny as the song...
http://www.blueyze.com/bluechristmas.html
Diesel Donna
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- Dec 22, 2004
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- 2,007
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.
"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each
possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter.
He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.
"You may pass through the pearly gates", Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of
keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said, "You may pass through the pearly gates."
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and
finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just
what do those symbolize?"
The man replied, "These are Carols."
And So The Holiday Season Begins..
"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each
possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter.
He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.
"You may pass through the pearly gates", Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of
keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said, "You may pass through the pearly gates."
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and
finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just
what do those symbolize?"
The man replied, "These are Carols."
And So The Holiday Season Begins..
Who's on First
For those who've never heard it, Abbott and Costello's famous comedy routine. Probably one of the funniest routines done. Definitely the most famous...
Click to hear .mp3 (2MB)...
http://www.phoenix5.org/humor/WhosOnFirstAudio.mp3
The main webpage...
http://www.phoenix5.org/humor/WhoOnFirst.html
For those who've never heard it, Abbott and Costello's famous comedy routine. Probably one of the funniest routines done. Definitely the most famous...
Click to hear .mp3 (2MB)...
http://www.phoenix5.org/humor/WhosOnFirstAudio.mp3
The main webpage...
http://www.phoenix5.org/humor/WhoOnFirst.html
Mustanglvr
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- Dec 4, 2004
- Messages
- 3,258
A little girl is riding her new bicycle down the street,
she comes across a mounted Cop on the corner.
The cop looks down at the little girl and say's:
"Did Santa bring you that bike you have there?"
The little girl says: "Yes sir, he sure did."
The cop looks over the bike, then hands her a $5 ticket and says:
"Next time, tell Santa to put a reflector on the back."
The little girl takes the ticket, then looks under the horse.
She asked the cop: "Did Santa bring you this horse?"
The cop answers: "Sure did, Why do you ask?"
Without cracking a smile, the little girl looks up and says:
"Next time, tell Santa that the d*ck goes UNDER the horse."
she comes across a mounted Cop on the corner.
The cop looks down at the little girl and say's:
"Did Santa bring you that bike you have there?"
The little girl says: "Yes sir, he sure did."
The cop looks over the bike, then hands her a $5 ticket and says:
"Next time, tell Santa to put a reflector on the back."
The little girl takes the ticket, then looks under the horse.
She asked the cop: "Did Santa bring you this horse?"
The cop answers: "Sure did, Why do you ask?"
Without cracking a smile, the little girl looks up and says:
"Next time, tell Santa that the d*ck goes UNDER the horse."
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