Mustanglvr
Well-known member
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2004
- Messages
- 3,258
Ha, ha! Very funny!
Mosesatm said:Since I'm an engineer people keep sending me engineer jokes. These are pretty good and, sadly, true!
Q: What is the definition of an engineer?
A: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had, in a way you don't understand.
Q: When does a person decide to become an engineer?
A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to be an undertaker.
Q: What do engineers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How can you tell an extroverted engineer?
A: When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.
Q: Why did the engineers cross the road?
A: Because they looked in the file and that's what they did last year.
Q: How do you drive an engineer completely insane?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map the wrong way.
You should be an engineer if:
.... choosing to buy flowers for your wife or upgrading your RAM is a moral dilemma.
.... you take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room.
.... in college you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.
.... the sales people at the local computer store can't answer any of your questions.
.... at an air show you know how fast the skydivers are falling.
.... you bought your wife a new CD-RW drive for her birthday.
.... you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.
.... you can type 70 words per minute but can't read your own handwriting.
.... you comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
.... you sit backwards on the Disneyland rides to see how they do the special effects.
.... you have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances.
.... you have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
.... you look forward to Christmas so you can put the kids' toys together.
.... you see a good design and still have to change it.
.... you spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.
.... you still own a slide rule and know how to use it.
.... you think that people yawning around you are sleep deprived.
.... you window shop at Radio Shack.
.... your laptop computer costs more than your car.
.... your wife hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work.
.... you've already calculated how much you make per second.
.... you've tried to repair a $5 radio.
CougarCJ said:Boudreaux, a Cajun highlander from Rapides Parish in central Louisiana, was an older, single gentleman, who was born and raised in South Louisiana. Each Friday night after work, he would fire up his outdoor grill and cook some wild pig.
Now, all of Boudreaux's neighbors were Catholic... And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Fridays. The delicious aroma from the grilled boar steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic
faithful that they finally talked to their priest.
The priest came to visit Boudreaux, and suggested that Boudreaux convert to Catholicism. After several classes and much study, Boudreaux attended Mass and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were
born a Baptist and raised a Baptist, but now you are Catholic."
Boudreaux's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled pork filled the neighborhood. The priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed to the
yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped in amazement and watched. There stood Boudreaux, clutching a small bottle of water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat, and chanted:
"You wuz born a hog, and you wuz raised a hog, but now you a catfish."
Mosesatm said:There are 2 barbers in a town. One has a great haircut and the other has a terrible hair cut. Which one should you use?
I have no idea. Personally, I'm not a big Monty Python fan. But then, my schooling was in Civil Engineer and Python may be more of an electrical engineer thing. CEs always considered MEs and EEs to be higher on the weirdness scale!:grin:Mustanglvr said:Arlie, forgive me for asking such a dumb question but.... What does Monty Python have to do with being an engineer?